Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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