I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
