oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
