and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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