her vagine was all disorganized.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
