4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
