I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
