There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
