My underwear smells like fireworks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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