I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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