I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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