she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
