I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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