We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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