My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize