im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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