I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
