I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
