My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
