i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
