the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
