i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
