is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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