Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
