I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
