I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
