we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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