He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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