Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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