Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
