Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
