just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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