Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
