There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
