would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
