Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
