He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
