I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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