That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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