I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
