I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
