Apparently you make a good broom.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
