the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
