I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
