Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
