I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
