she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
