Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
