have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
