Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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