Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
