I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
