On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
