Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
