she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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