the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
