I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
