I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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