why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
