ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
