I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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