I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
