I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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