we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
vagina is talking i cant
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
