Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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