Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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