can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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