We're facebook friends in real life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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