I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
