Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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